The Importance of Being Earnest About Being Single

Dear Self,

 

Remember how you celebrate Valentine’s Day as single? Well, keep doing it!

 

For V-day 2009, I won’t be disparaged by admitting that I was alone again, naturally as Gilbert Sullivan is. I share myself with those who like me, is single but not wary for the most part. And at the risk of small prejudices, still found themselves flexing those romantic muscles a little, wearing hearts on sleeve.

 

I used to romanticize the beauty of not knowing and constantly subjected myself to series of brief and irritating hopes. I have never been more guilty of being addicted to the exquisite pain of wanting the unattainable and all the while being too coward of realizing my own dreams not only because I wouldn’t know what to do with it but also, I’m not sure if I’m even equipped to handle it. Besides, I thought I am entitled to my own misery just as I let everyone be with their own bliss.

 

But the real truth is, I probably don’t wanna be too happy or content. I’m still actually enjoying the quest, the search. Because the more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. And there’s fun in that too, believe it or not. Yes, I get lonely too and I crave for intimacy but who doesn’t? And I know people who, while being in a relationship still does. Yes, it’s different. But only in degree and not in kind. I subscribe that I still don’t have all the answers and perhaps I don’t need them right now. I’ve got friends. I’ve got hope. And for now, it’s more than I could ask for aside from being better for what lies ahead.

 

More so, you’d be happy to know that there’d been a partial disenchantment on the side. You know how I used to embrace the idea that love and the right one will just come along even if I do nothing? It’s now overruled. But the idea of believing that it WILL come along it just takes some hard work, is sustained. Being a victim of my own choices partly because of the tendency to hold my head higher than my heart and another because of my stubborn streak, I’d like to think that things are a bit clearer now. I recognize my faults. I acknowledge my regrets and I resolve not to do them again next time. But for now, I’m still not in a hurry to be part of a pair until the universe deems me ready and brings me what is meant to be my way. We all have our moments to enjoy and I’ll enjoy them until it’s time to share them with another.

 

And on that note, may I leave you with my Random Movie Dialogue of the Day, from the movie Adaptation.

Charlie Kaufman: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.

Donald Kaufman: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.

Charlie Kaufman: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.

Donald Kaufman: I remember that.

Charlie Kaufman: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at *me*. You didn’t know at all. You seemed so happy.

Donald Kaufman: I knew. I heard them.

Charlie Kaufman: How come you looked so happy?

Donald Kaufman: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.

Charlie Kaufman: But she thought you were pathetic.

Donald Kaufman: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That’s what I decided a long time ago.

 

Even love unreturned has its own rainbows. Remember that.

 

Your Valentine,

-yas

 

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