thankfully yours

yes folks, the new season is bestowing itself upon us as we speak.. It’s that time of year again where we brush off those traces of enmity and hum a new song instead, spreading holiday cheer and yuletide gaiety. I’m beginning to love this time of year. At first I thought it was solely because of the much anticipated furlough but nay! I realized it was more from the overwhelming amount of love I’ve seen all year out that makes me smile. I’m pleased at how accepting the world has been with everyone and honored to be surrounded by so many loving and lust filled individuals and band of merry men (and women) that I’ve learned so much from and looking forward to more.

This year I am most thankful for… dimmer lights, secret hiding places, fresh flowers, warm hugs, pillow fights, scented papers, hot tubs, amiable roommates, Jason Mraz concert, new vocabularies, rational conversations and silly gabfests, free rides, free dinners, unlimited texting, job experience in a government office (hopefully I get another one this year!) , animal hugs, air-guitars and lip-synching when I’m alone, corner coffee shops, Providence, McDonald’s breakfast meals, sleep-overs, afternoon siestas, moon-staring contests, beat the clock challenge, bathroom concerts, hot morning baths, last full shows, sneak previews,  passing a subject I was so sure I failed, white sands, sunrise and sunsets, skylines, midnight snacks, late night conversations,  digicam shots, borrowed strengths, Conspiracy, Xaymaca, pianos and acoustic guitars, Jewel in the Palace, Eat Bulaga antics and their wacky knock-knock jokes,   perfectly delivered punch lines, heartfelt and belly laughs, stuffed animals, old photos, Sunday evenings, fast internet connections, Friendster, You Tube, blogs, Cynthia Alexander Band, German silent films, Nick Joaquin literary works, slippers, extra cheese, fruit shakes, empty seats at LRT, certain OPM bands, getting to a class late only to realize the professor isn’t there yet, mp3s and ipods, chill out music, unexpected smiles from strangers and cute guys J, lonesome traveling, free toothpaste, small but meaningful chats, fair weather, Chapstick, documentary films, April Fool’s day entitling you to at least one fool’s day prank, declared holidays…

I would also want to send a special separate thanks to all Filipino ambassadors of goodwill, hard-working professors and teachers especially those in public schools and those who teach in indigenous areas, statesmen ( there should be at least two or more left), fearless journalists and media personalities, daring militants who stand up for truth, equality and justice, uncompromising politicians, for the environmentalists and animal rights advocates, film directors who dares to present social issues of immediate concern, striving artists and musicians eager to compose and contribute their own piece, human rights upholder, pinoys emerging from super typhoon “Milenyo” like it never happened, bright minds and young professionals who opt to stay put in our country despite the meager salary, daring souls as opposed to the “shouldabeens”, honest and courteous taxi/jeepney drivers,  decent law enforcers, and all government officials who hasn’t betrayed our trust, for the pinoys who are quick to respond in food drives and extending cash/service donations for our less fortunate fellow countrymen. We best be taking care of each other. Our country’s financial fund is in disarray, no thanks to the fake public servants holding key positions in our government.

Anyway, I’ll continue to be thankful for the morning stretches, poetry readings, quarter moons, fresh breath, tears of joy, sneezes, cakes and ice cream, guacamole, tuna sandwiches, green tea, spontaneous ideas, unplanned rendezvous, and perhaps next year for my the knight. Pun intended.

I could go on and on and never finish this hoo-has…But all these are written to make one essential point. No matter what the situation is, there will always be at least one thing that we could be thankful for. It took me awhile to learn that because of well, I felt like I was losing it at around last quarter of this year. But hey, in the end you realize it was all really a matter of seeing things. I’m glad I’m in this  deep shit right now of not really knowing what to do with my life. It makes me realize how unimportant I was and some of the things I do. Awful things happen all the time. It’s upto you if you let it kill you. The answer of course is you don’t. It is really having faith that everything has a higher purpose.

With that I leave you with big hugs and high fives all around. kudos to those who choose to see the world in rose-colored glasses instead of seeing it in a gray manner. May your lineage multiply from this year onward. Let’s keep the ghetto safe from scoundrels.

Happy Holidays!

Joyeux Noel!

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In Solitude

What is it inside the imagination that keeps surprising us
At odd moments
when something is given back
We didn’t know we had had
In solitude, spontaneously, and with great joy?

– a poem by Charles Wright

galaxy

Here I am I’m sitting alone again I’m staring up at the sky which at this lonely moment is my only friend suddenly as I gaze upon the night I notice the stars began to shake and dance and fall into the darkness

They exploded down. I knew what I had to do. I ran up to the top of the hill and took ahold for you

The galaxy that lived inside your eyes was in need of a brand new shining light.

I wished to the dark sky up above that all I had was to be captured and willingly turned over to you..

Take this blindness away from me and let me bask inside your golden sea.

I never ever knew such simple astronomy could ever come to me by ways of the heart.

Here I am I’m sitting alone again I’m staring up at the sky which at this lonely moment is my only friend suddenly as I gaze upon the night I notice the stars began to shake and dance looks like they wanna fight

No way they were dancing. They were romancing.

Falling in love all over.

—jason mraz

crash and burn

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life… You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ or ‘how very perceptive’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

the joke’s on me..

How did it come to this? It seems that life is slowly spiraling down to a state of bland existence… neither irritating nor stimulating…

How does one become passionate about something? Whether it be on loving someone intensely, fighting most deeply for one’s belief or pursuing one’s lifetime dream…

I can still hear Al Pacino’s words saying, “You are what you’re after…”

Methinks that I’m somewhere perfectly in between of being neither happy nor sad. Ain’t that a tragedy itself?

Am I driven with my ambitions? But what are ambitions anyway but a speck of an ephemeral emotion that merely nourishes selfish motives…a cheap thrill ride that may cost one’s entire lifetime maybe worthless if gone wrong…

what is something not worth living for..or dying for…

what leaves someone with an emptiness of the soul?

I used to know what differs, now I can’t even remember.

crash into me

For the past three weeks it seems that I have this uncanny ability to make the wrong decisions..

what a dark mood.

*sigh*

perhaps the hardest part was letting go of something, you ain’t sure became yours..

would you know why?

Millions of galaxies of hundreds of millions of stars, in a speck on one in a blink..

And then us, lost in space.

to: no one

someone once told me that there’s a fine line between imagination and reality.

Celine, in Before Sunrise said that if there’s any God in this world, it wouldn’t be any of us. it would be that little space in between, that if there’s any kind of magic it must be at the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something.

As for me, touch your lips. There. I have kissed you.

in my case, the girl’s gone home

The boy’s gone. The boy’s gone home.

What will happen to a face in the crowd when it finally gets too crowded.
And will happen to the origins of sound after all the sounds have sounded
Well I hope I never have to see that day but by god I know it’s headed our way
So I better be happy now that the boy’s going home. The boy’s gone home.

And what becomes of a day for those who rage against it
And who will sum op the phrase for all left standing around in it

Well I suppose we’ll all make our judgement call
We’ll walk it alone, stand up tall, then march to the fall
So we better be happy now that we’ll all go home.

Be so happy with the way you are
Be so happy that you made it this far
Go on be happy now. Please be happy now

Because this is something else
this is something else

I tried to live my life and live it so well
But when it’s all over is it heaven or is it hell
I better be happy now that no one can tell, nobody knows
I’m gonna be happy with the way that I am
I’m gonna be happy with all that I stand for
I’m gonna be happy now because the boy’s going home.

The boy’s gone home.

THE BOY"S GONE- written and performed by jason mraz